I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?