I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?