does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse