I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.