i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.