just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
