when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
