She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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