i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
