3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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