I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
