Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
