1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
