I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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