I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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