distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
