Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
