Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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