Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
