Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize
