It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
