First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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