Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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