she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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