Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
