ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
