if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
