I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
