I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wannas sexs uuuuu
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
