you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
