Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
