There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
