I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
