i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need moral support for this bender
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
