Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
