Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
