My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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