NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
