i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.