but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.