Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  i just wanna soil my oats bro

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  (949): i just wanna soil my oats bro http://tfl.nu/wcck
  Replies (8) Good night (951) Bad night (660)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.

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  (973): All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/wlva
  Replies (19) Good night (1229) Bad night (5687)
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  (925): View more from California

  I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.

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  (925): I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time. http://tfl.nu/c4ll
  Replies (23) Good night (4429) Bad night (908)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (2117) Bad night (1053)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2319) Bad night (679)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
  Replies (22) Good night (4780) Bad night (894)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
  Replies (17) Good night (2763) Bad night (826)
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  (212): View more from New York

  how are things with the new girl?

  (917): View more from New York City

  good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked

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  (212): how are things with the new girl? (917): good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked http://tfl.nu/oe1i
  Replies (6) Good night (3182) Bad night (947)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.

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  (917): Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people. http://tfl.nu/tw6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1470) Bad night (564)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

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  (207): Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm. http://tfl.nu/a20h
  Replies (9) Good night (1796) Bad night (686)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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  (720): Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober. http://tfl.nu/o1fz
  Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (508)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark

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  (780): I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark http://tfl.nu/gkqi
  Replies (8) Good night (962) Bad night (403)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.

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  (225): I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with. http://tfl.nu/2qkg
  Replies (4) Good night (882) Bad night (435)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.

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  (516): I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams. http://tfl.nu/a235
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (343)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION

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  (860): THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION http://tfl.nu/ap2c
  Replies (2) Good night (540) Bad night (285)

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