Yo dont text me then not text me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They also submitted to my demands for pizza