help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
