at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Still dying that you shit outside
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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