just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We have so much sex to catch up on
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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