I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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