I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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