idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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