I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
