I CAN MOONWALK!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
