I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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