i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
