How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
