she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
