I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
