ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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