took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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