I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
