you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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