I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
