we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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