after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize