does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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