proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it penis luge time yet?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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