just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
