everyone is single if you try hard enough
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My feet surprised me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
