just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
