U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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