Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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