I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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