Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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