the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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