The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
