I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm passing your future prison.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
