Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
