No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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