I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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