Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
