i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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