Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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