Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
