great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
